chasing wellness…

06/14/2015 No Comments

When did my obsession with chasing wellness begin?

I think it was seven+ years ago when I hit what felt like my ultimate low. I was full of shame and regret and I isolated myself from my friends & family. I felt like I couldn’t make a right choice and I didn’t know why. I had a deep void within and began my search to find what was missing. So being the problem solver that I am… I began my search for that one thing that would turn things around. The one thing that would open my eyes to what was missing.

was it weight? if I got healthy and lost weight I surely would be happy.

was it school? if I just got my degree I would be able to follow through on my business ideas or get a good paying job that I loved.

was it finding my soulmate? if I found my person I would feel so much better and have someone to depend on (yikes not so healthy)

These are just some of questions I asked myself when I started chasing wellness.

Seven years later and the void is not gone. I have had some highs and some real low lows. I have learned a great deal about myself but I sometimes I still just feel broken. I get all excited that I have made great progress just to get knocked down again. But I refuse to give up. For the last year or so, I have felt like I was on the brink of a something powerful. It was so close I could feel it. I keep reaching for it but fingers just miss it. The one thing that has been happening in the last few months is that I am getting clearer and clearer. The negative talk is finally starting to fade.

So, I decided this is the year!

On October 14, 2015 (my late and great Nana’s birthday), I am going to start a year long journey to create the change in my life that I long. I am going to take back the power I was trained to give away and empower myself.  I am no longer going to be chasing after that one thing to fill my void. That one thing that will fix everything.

I have redefined what wellness looks like to me. Wellness used to look like perfection {whatever that means}. Wellness used to be an unattainable goal that I would set for myself that would leave me feeling smaller and smaller.

NOW wellness looks like:

  • authenticity
  • freedom
  • self-confidence
  • empowerment
  • healthy body
  • fulfilling relationships
  • mindfulness
  • standing up

My hope is to not only continue my own healing but to inspire others to do the same. In sharing my stories, I hope to a create a safe space that inspires change, is a catalyst for personal growth and fosters community.


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